Self-doubt is one of the keys to life as a woman. Whereas some pick up the trait after being accepted into a good college or receiving an impressive promotion, others are well-versed from an early age. This is the case with 33-year-old Rachel Massey, who has struggled with imposter syndrome since getting third place in her sixth grade spelling bee.
“I know that the spelling bee was 21 years ago, but it was also the most recent one I participated in, so it still feels pretty fresh,” Massey told reporters. “I just can’t believe I misspelled ‘courageous’ — I knew how to spell that word before I put on a training bra. I just lost my place because of my weak, unreliable brain.”
Despite her struggles, the English professor tries not to let the memory dictate her life.
“Just the other day, I was trying to remember if I was supposed to use ‘effect’ or ‘affect.’ Instead of getting all paranoid and running to the internet for an answer, I just didn’t respond to the text. Still not sure how my uncle is responding to chemo though,” recalled Massey.
Still, the Iowa native has had difficulty applying the same practice to her professional life. She notes one particular instance in which she gave an English major a C on their midterm essay, primarily due to spelling mistakes.
“Right after I posted the grades, the student sent me an email saying that that’s just how those words are spelled these days. I rolled my eyes at first, but then I realized that I haven’t taken an Intro to English Composition class since I was 18 — maybe the language has evolved since then and I just missed the memo,” she theorized.
Though Massey now enjoys a somewhat stable academic career at a small liberal arts college in rural Wisconsin, it wasn’t always such an easy journey to the top.
Following the spelling bee, the then 12-year-old Massey hit her rock bottom.
“I wasn’t interested in any of the hobbies I used to love. Gymnastics, jump rope … I didn’t use my rock tumbler for days,” she recalled, shaken.
The result was a two month rough patch in which Massey’s grades slipped. Though the published author earned straight As for the majority of her schooling, after the incident, her report card took a nosedive — even getting a B+ in science. Worse yet, the grade was almost a B, but her average improved after taking on extra work outside of class.
“That was definitely a big slump, but I can’t contribute it all to the spelling bee,” clarified Massey. “The competition was right before spring break, and to be honest, I had a difficult time paying attention between coming back to school and summer break.”
While the otherwise strong, independent woman continues to go to therapy to deal with her imposter syndrome, rest assured — she knows it’s all her fault.
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Photo courtesy of Heather Temske via CC BY 2.0
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