Last night's presidential debate between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris is sure to go down in the history books, as the live event marked the first time a nominee has freely admitted to not having a plan. However, despite the former president's well-known knack for self-reflection and genuine apologies, there's no need in this case — he's doubling down.
"Having a plan without being elected president first? That's like knowing how to run a business before being named CEO. It's crazy talk, truly. I hate to say it," said Trump.
Some may disagree with the former reality star's flippant attitude, but there's one thing Trump wants voters to keep in mind — it's only healthcare.
"People are acting like I said something so awful. But really, I'm asking — what even is healthcare?" said the 45th president, pausing while an aid whispered the answer in his ear. "I mean, come on, folks. Dying is a part of life. I don't know about you all, but I don't think that needs to be messed with. I mean, aren't we living right now? How about we focus on that?"
Instead of getting into the weeds of policy and negotiation, the king of Chapter 11 filings believes in a more "go with the flow" approach.
"Plans are for nerds and losers, frankly. Personally, I'd say I'm very strong and handsome," suggested Trump. "Who do you want to lead this country — the captain of the football team, or the weenie who gets their homework in on time and reads books for fun? And these books are far larger than necessary, folks. Smallest print you've ever seen."
After going on a rant about books with zero pictures and more than 30 pages despite not even having any talking animals in the story, the candidate got back on track.
"Hey, I'm good time Donnie," said Trump, leaning forward on the podium and staring ahead like an uncle whose nieces are uncomfortable around him. "I'm not gonna raise the price for a round of golf or double the cost of beer. Kamala — who's really Joe Biden, but with a less desirable look — is going to make having fun so expensive that you all might get bored and file your taxes this year. I hate to scare you, but it's looking bad."
Trump exited the stage shortly after the remark, as JD Vance cracked a smile and made the entire crowd feel too unsettled to continue.
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Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore via CC BY-SA 2.0
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