‘The media is real quiet about this’ says guy who never reads the news

Commenting on a widely shared Facebook post relating to a national story, local man Andrew Nelson remarked that the “media is real quiet about this.” This comes despite the fact that the 33-year-old has not read the news since being required to use reliable sources for essays in high school. 

“It’s insane that outlets are just ignoring something so huge. Journalism has gone down the shitter,” offered Nelson, typing away on his phone during a vape break. 

The post in question included a real quote which had been chopped into pieces to the point of being as true to the original as the completely recast “Home Alone 3.” 

“How are we supposed to trust so-called reporters when all they care about is celebrities with body image issues? We need real newsmen — not people who tell me which Disney princess I am,” vented the B2B salesman, indicating that his primary point of reference is Buzzfeed. 

“Thank you for speaking truth to power!” said one reply, the “power” being a lowly paid editor with poor posture and serious back problems. 

As of thirty minutes after hitting “send,” the comment had racked up over 50 reactions split between hearts and angry emojis, with all being in agreement. 

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Photo courtesy of blurryhazyindistinct via CC BY-NC-SA 2.0