The biggest night in music occurred yesterday with the 66th Annual Grammy Awards. While most tuned in to see iconic performances from greats like Joni Mitchell and Tracy Chapman or to see their favorite artists take home some hardware, perhaps the biggest news of the night didn't involve music at all.
After picking up her record-breaking fourth Album of the Year win for "Midnights," Taylor Swift announced that she has purchased the Kansas City Chiefs.
"I want to say how much I've loved watching the Chiefs this year. So much, actually, that I took a look at my pocket change and thought 'Taylor, you deserve a little treat. You should buy the team.' So I did!" said Swift about the $4.3 billion acquisition before dedicating the award to Chiefs Kingdom.
The sale included the stake of Clark Hunt, who is the son of Chiefs founder Lamar Hunt. However, an eye towards keeping up with her music career has prompted Swift to allow Hunt to stay on as chairman and co-CEO for what insiders are calling an "incredibly generous" salary.
In addition, the Chiefs are looking for more help on their equipment staff, as each player will now be required to wear a friendship bracelet during games and practices.
Bracelets typically go against NFL rules, but much like Nike paying Michael Jordan's fines in order for him to wear Air Jordans on-court, Swift will be paying fines for the entire team to wear their brotherly love on their wrists.
"I think it's a cool thing," said Patrick Mahomes. "Of course these guys are my brothers, but I don't think we take enough time to be like 'Hey, man. You're not just family — you're my friend.' Coach Reid even handed them out to his children — except for the one, y'know."
Mahomes noted that while his bracelet is red, purple, and green, the one he made for Reid is pink, purple, and baby blue.
"During the offseason, he's always showing me pictures of him gardening — don't even get that man started on hydrangeas," quipped the quarterback. "I picked those colors because I want him to know that I'm happy he has this hobby even though I might get a little annoyed when he keeps Facetiming me to show how he's caring for the dahlias."
Travis Kelce will also be getting something out of the deal. After the pre-game cinnamon rolls Swift made for him before the Chiefs-Chargers game went viral, he will soon have more say over food options at Arrowhead.
Starting next season, players and fans alike will be able to eat like an All-Pro tight end starting two hours before kickoff. Early additions include a full Costco pepperoni pizza topped with a gallon of whole milk, a tray of fettucine alfredo sitting on a big block of sharp cheddar, and an entire chocolate layer cake with a 2lb side of ground beef.
The acquisition may cause problems for those looking to buy a ticket for future Chiefs games. While the reigning Super Bowl champs are already an expensive sight, Swift's involvement may cause tickets to resell for at least $3,000.
Luckily, wheels are in motion to carve out an area where at least 200 people will be able to sit for free. To gain access, fans only need to get a cat, name it Olivia Benson, and bring the feline to the game along with vet records for verification.
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Photo courtesy of Kevin Mazur
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