No matter the job, work can be stressful. With truck drivers spending weeks away from home, corporate executives working long hours and teachers having to deal with the children of those corporate executives, it's understandable that the average American has over nine alcoholic drinks per week.
That being said, there are exceptions as to when and where it's appropriate to crack a cold one. As neurosurgeon Dr. Dan Fowley learned last week, in the operating room while performing surgery is one of those exceptions. Better put, the 20-year veteran of the University of Chicago Medical Center didn't actually learn so much as he simply became aware.
"It's ridiculous — I mean come on. I'm not driving a car, I'm doing brain surgery. It's not rocket science," said Dr. Fowley after receiving a citation for operating while intoxicated. "Difficulty as far as speaking coherently or remaining standing is irrelevant to the patient's outcome. Any seasoned surgeon who's worth their salt can tell you that."
Dr. Fowley may be on to something. The burnout rate for neurosurgeons is anywhere from 27-57 percent, but what remains to be seen is whether the data was compiled on a Monday or on a Thirsty Thursday. In fact, the Medical College of Wisconsin graduate says he determines what and how much he drinks based on the day of the week.
"Monday is pretty low-key. That's just a beer or two over lunch, maybe up to four if I have a big surgery afterwards that I'm nervous about. Tuesday is pretty similar, except I also have a Bloody Mary — that's a double. It's a really convenient breakfast while I'm driving to the hospital early in the morning," said Dr. Fowley.
Later in the week, the doctor ramps up his alcohol intake akin to a marathon runner grasping for every ounce of energy by eating more and more fruit snacks as the end of the race nears.
"Wednesday, that's hump day, which matters. Four shots of Bailey's in my morning coffee, seven more in my afternoon pick-me-up. It's the middle of the week, after all," said Dr. Fowley. "Thursday is when I really have to tighten up my belt and start to commit. That day is a 12 drink minimum."
That brings us to Friday — the same day that Dr. Fowley was slammed with an OWI citation.
"It's tough to say how much I drink on Fridays because the average is heavily swayed by whether I actually remember or not. But you know those big popcorn buckets you can get at the movie theater? I eat one of those by noon, except it's imperial stouts. It's the working man's beer, you know," noted Dr. Fowley.
The neurosurgeon and the police aren't quite on the same page as far as whether or not a law was truly broken — or, if it was, if that matters. At the end of the day, there's only one person whose opinion truly matters — that of the person Dr. Fowley was operating on when the allegations struck.
"I do tinker with so-some of the squirrels in the yard that is behind the front one. I don't know what they're up to, but I'm gonna find out before all the milk on my skin dries," said David Kroche, a powerful criminal defense attorney.
The penalties Dr. Fowley would face if found guilty of an OWI are striking. On just his first recorded offense, he could be looking at a $300 fine and the possibility of losing the right to drive for six months unless going to work or the liquor store.
Even if this were to happen, future patients have no need to worry — it will surely have no bearing on the doctor's ability to perform tedious brain surgery.
Photo courtesy of Matt Writtle via CC BY-SA 4.0
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