April in Wisconsin is a hopeful time. There's clean, refreshing rain for the first time in months, the sun starts to show its warm face and flowers begin popping out of the mud. This is a beautiful 3-7 day period before Mother Nature does a kickflip on her skateboard and says "JK! I was just wondering how y'all would react if you were happy and then I got bored. Sorry!"
Now, after another classic case of 70-80 degree weather immediately followed by a 30 degree snowy stretch, Wisconsinites are taking the power back by ignoring reality.
"By Valentine's Day, I've been bundled up for so long that I tend to forget I even have legs. Of course I take a shower every time someone asks me to, but how often is that? Every couple weeks, maybe three? It's not something you do all the time like going fishing or cracking a few cold ones at work" chuckled Monroe resident Dave Wincher.
After wearing shorts for seven days, the financial analyst can't go back.
"Wearing athletic shorts to church on Easter Sunday? Absolutely glorious. God made my pasty white gams, so I'm sure he's happy to see them too. I already put all of my jeans into storage for the year. It's flip flop time, baby," concluded Wincher.
Still, not everyone is having as easy of a time carrying warm weather habits into 2023's third winter. Yet, like a true Wisconsinite, Kathy Remgen is "trying to DIY some shit together." In other words, Remgen is willing the snow away.
"Luckily, most of my friends work from home, so it's really all hands on deck," said Remgen in her Waupaca backyard, hands on hips. "We've pretty much got the system down. Rita dumps boiling water everywhere, Deb shovels snow into garbage cans I've borrowed from my snowbird neighbors and Beth blasts the hair dryer whenever she's on mute during Zoom meetings. My job is that I'm the only one with a hot tub and a routinely scheduled wine shipment."
No matter how long someone lives in the Badger State, it's near-impossible to fully give in to what are, frankly, rudely indecisive weather patterns. Still, if that has to be the case, at least it's in the land of cheese and meat. And as the Slug Report internal office has been reporting for weeks, it will be summer any day now.
Photo courtesy of ResonantFelicity via CC BY-NC 2.0
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