The Kansas City Chiefs won this year’s Super Bowl in a hard-fought 38-35 victory over the Jalen Hurts-led Philadelphia Eagles. However, a new report suggests that the world almost saw somebody other than Patrick Mahomes hoist the Lombardi Trophy on Sunday night. Rather, it could’ve gone to a seven feet tall, fuzzy madman with googly eyes and a squeaky belly button — namely, Philadelphia’s own Gritty.
Best known as the mascot for the NHL’s Philadelphia Flyers, Gritty does not have any professional football experience. Yet, his dancing ability, passion and general tendency towards rabid animalistic aggression made him the obvious choice to complete the Eagles’ Super Bowl roster.
Still, even as there were just seconds on the clock after what ultimately became the game winning field goal from Kansas City’s Harrison Butker, Philadelphia head coach Nick Sirianni kept the mascot CBS Sports referred to as “pure, unadulterated nightmare fuel” out of the game.
“We knew we had him in our back pocket, but you can’t unleash a guy like that too early. Yes, there were only a few seconds left in the entire game, but plenty of men have been murdered in far less time,” noted Coach Sirianni.
The five-year-old mascot has reason to be angry on two counts. First, the creature that has come to be known as the very embodiment of Philadelphia had to leave the City of Brotherly Love to go to Glendale, Arizona. Second, he missed his opportunity to become the first Super Bowl MVP to play in the big game for less than 30 seconds.
“It would be dumb to say I’m angry because I’m angry at all times as a rule,” began Gritty in an exclusive interview with The Slug Report. “But don’t think I don’t notice what some people wanna do to guys like me.”
By “guys like me,” it’s assumed Gritty is referring to others whose secret hideouts were disturbed during the construction of Wells Fargo Stadium.
Sirianni’s concerns over what might happen if State Farm Stadium experienced the wrath of Gritty weren’t the only factor in the mascot’s exclusion. Additionally, there was a reason much more textbook — the only clothing Gritty owns are a Philadelphia Flyers jersey and the accompanying hockey gear.
Though the team could’ve given the Prince of Philadelphia his own uniform, the timing made the task difficult — after providing his measurements, Eagles staff decided that his body type was “too much to figure out” in the two weeks leading up to Super Bowl LVII.
Despite the disappointing experience, Gritty’s loyalty remains unshaken.
“I’m on this planet to bring passion, grit and, above all, tomfoolery. When anyone gets in the way of me delivering on any of those three things, I’m gonna get a little riled up,” acknowledged Gritty. “But at the end of the day, if I’m as crazy as people seem to think, then there’s no better place for me to be than a hockey game in Philadelphia. So now, it’s time for me to go home.”
The Eagles are confirmed to have provided the orange behemoth with a private jet as well as other luxurious travel accommodations. Yet, he was spotted driving a garbage truck with what appears to be a sleeping bag in the back traveling east through New Mexico. Gritty is expected back in Philadelphia by Feb. 15, give or take a few days depending on how many fights he gets into along the way.
Photo courtesy of Governor Tom Wolf via Wikimedia
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