The number of Americans calling for President Joe Biden to step down from the 2024 presidential race has skyrocketed since the debate on June 27. Now facing even more pressure after being sidelined from the campaign trail by a positive COVID-19 test, a new report reveals that the known ice cream aficionado has stated his terms — Biden will leave the race if given a signature flavor by Ben & Jerry's.
A company known for its left-leaning values, the demand may not be all that lofty. Better yet, the president already has some ideas.
"Alright, listen to this," began Biden as he flipped past the Israeli-Palestinian conflict strategy to the right page in his notebook. "First up, I've got Joe Biden Butterfinger — it's simple, but humble. Otherwise, what's your take on Delaware Gummy Bear?"
Receiving only polite nods from those simply trying to leave the daily briefing, the career politician threw one more idea at the wall.
"Okay, I hear ya. How about 46th President Chocolate Chip? Oh, wait!" yelled the president like an 81-year-old man chasing down an ice cream truck. "I think I've got it — Joseph Raisinet Biden!"
The name makes sense — a chocolate-covered raisin is possibly the best way to summarize the last 16 years of the former VP's career. Still, there's one issue — in order for Ben & Jerry's to consider adding a new flavor, they may have to get rid of another.
"I know a good scoop when it's in my mouth, I'll tell you that," quipped Biden. "I can name two flavors off the bat that can go — Pontch's Mix and Rosie's Batch."
When pointed out that those are both intended for dogs, the potential two-term president surmised that he must've been eating ice cream intended for his pup, Commander. He stood by his statement, however, saying that the German Shepherd "seems to be enjoying the Chocolate Fudge Brownie flavor much more significantly."
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Photo courtesy of Noeluap via CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
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