After a years-long sex trafficking probe, the Department of Justice has declined to bring charges against Rep. Matt Gaetz. The Florida congressman, who allegedly also paid for sex with an underaged girl, was cleared after investigators learned that he always wore a condom.
The DOJ released a statement following their decision.
“With each investigation, the Department of Justice makes every effort to ensure that those this country values are protected,” the statement began. “After learning that Rep. Gaetz used a condom in all sexual encounters relating to the allegations, it was effectively confirmed that no abortions took place. Given that there’s no fetuses involved and Gaetz appears to be in good spirits, all bases have been covered and the case is closed.”
Throughout the investigation, Rep. Gaetz remained insistent that he would ultimately be cleared.
“The DOJ only looked into me in the first place because they got to my wingman, Joel Greenberg, first. If the Justice Department had spoken to me before him, I could’ve had it swept under the rug before the people who care even heard about it to begin with,” said the angrily conceived love child of Heinrich Himmler and Jack Nicholson.
Greenberg, who pleaded guilty to six charges including sex trafficking, was sentenced to 11 years in prison in December – presumably because that’s how long it will take for all of his victims to reach the age of consent.
Several others, including Gaetz’s ex-girlfriend, also agreed to contribute to the investigation. However, she was unable to provide much information about her former boyfriend’s actions, saying she preferred to “have no knowledge of his sexual urges or body in general” over the duration of their relationship as well as the rest of her remaining years.
It is yet to be seen how the DOJ's decision will change the course of Rep. Gaetz’s political career. While the conclusion may sway roughly five people who decided not to vote for him because they believed the allegations were true, he is sure to lose many others who also thought it was true and are now disappointed.
Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore via Wikimedia
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