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Writer's pictureMackenzie Moore

Reincarnation confirmed by study on 'exorbitant' number of bug vs. automobile suicides



The concept of reincarnation dates back to the ancient days of India and Greece. Yet, while figures such as the Buddha and Plato dedicated their lives to philosophizing about the idea, there hasn't been proof until the conclusion of a recent study on bug death carried out by the University of Wisconsin-Madison.


Using data accrued throughout the summer of 2024, the undertaking sought to answer one important question — why do so many bugs die from flying into moving vehicles despite seemingly being so easy to avoid?


The answer? They want out.


"We usually think of insects as being almost robotic — only living to eat, defecate, and recreate," began entomology professor Daniel Brown. "The hurdle has always been that people see this behavior as an 'other,' not realizing how those three staples apply to many humans as well. The difference is that individuals know they have the option to do something else, even if they rarely do so."


In other words, while many people are happy to spend most of their non-working lives sitting on a toilet eating Little Debbie snack cakes and browsing Pornhub, this is punctuated by the fact that they have the free will to — oh, I don't know — take a long bath.


In contrast, bugs have no choice but to scavenge for their daily grub, relieve themselves on the go, and pray to their six-legged god that another of their kind will be interested in bumping uglies — not to mention becoming a deadbeat parent of the resulting eggs.


Of course, if this is the only life a bug knows, then there would be no reason to yearn for anything better. Therefore, it stands to reason that billions of the tiny flying beings are opting to end their lives due to being unable to handle the day-to-day condition of their newly-assigned species.


That leaves one question — why do suicidal bugs almost all seem to take the moving car route?


"While bug vs. moving vehicle is by far the most common method, it is by no means the first," noted tenured professor Julie Ryan, who specializes in bug history specifically. "There's plenty of evidence to suggest that other techniques have been attempted. For example, tiny nooses made of a single strand of human hair have been well-documented. But as soon as a winged insect jumps, instincts kick in and they simply fly as opposed to experiencing asphyxiation."


As a result, the milligram-sized creatures turn to two-ton vehicles for death's sweet release.


"Moths, mosquitoes, and fireflies aren't known for their eyesight. But if a moth can find its way inside of a closet to eat wool, it stands to reason that they'd be able to notice a Kia Soul hurdling down the road at 60 miles per hour," reasoned Professor Brown.


Given the study's groundbreaking conclusion, most would expect further research will be done to both confirm the findings and search for similar behavior throughout the animal kingdom. However, scientists say they will first focus on how to teach bugs to masturbate and handle their liquor in order to improve quality of life.



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Photo courtesy of Tamsin Slater via CC BY-SA 2.0

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