Raygun announces retirement from breakdancing after being offered spot in Trump's cabinet

It's been a hectic couple of days in the news cycle since Donald Trump won the presidential election, successfully seeking a second term in the White House. Last night brought similarly significant news, as viral breakdancing Olympian Raygun has announced her retirement from the sport.

The timing is no coincidence. The Slug Report has learned that following his electoral victory, Trump called the Australian sensation to offer her a spot in his cabinet — a proposal she quickly accepted in an exercise of her "nobody's stopping me from trying" attitude.

"This may come as a shock to some, but her allure makes sense through the lens of the president-elect. For one thing, the Olympics showed us that Raygun is unconventional and unpredictable — a hallmark of the administration," began government analyst Sheila Rice. "She also has a degree in contemporary music and wrote her thesis on breakdancing culture, neither of which have anything to do with politics. Therefore, she's a natural fit for Trump's cabinet."

In a now-revealed conversation, the 45th president spoke on his decision.

"We know she's got guts, she's got pizzazz. What's not to like? The way she hops like a kangaroo — it's like nothing I've ever seen before," said Trump. "But she also does the Sprinkler, a classic we all know and enjoy. That's very appealing."

Given Raygun's rousing performance in Paris, secretary of energy seems to be the most obvious choice. However, while Trump plans to dismantle the Department of Education, he may instead put the Aussie icon at the helm in recognition of the known breakdancing term "get schooled."

It's not completely clear which position the former athlete — whose real name is Rachael Gunn — will hold come Inauguration Day. But much like finding a ballot box to set on fire, there's plenty of options.

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Photo courtesy of Rene Nijhuis