Support for the human consumption of raw milk has increased dramatically since RFK Jr. voiced his love for the unwashed udder beverage, a big win for those looking to receive a parasitic brain worm of their own.
While mainstream wackos may urge people to prioritize getting their vitamins, true health aficionados like Kennedy understand that getting enough bacteria may very well be life-or-death — and not in the direction that the crooked ol’ saps at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention want you to think.
In fact, dedicated followers are gathering to partake in their God-given right to ingest as much E. coli, Listeria, and Salmonella as the body can handle. Not by drinking raw milk, as it’s currently even harder to get due to bird flu contamination, but through something arguably better — uncooked chicken.
“Whether it be in broad daylight or under the cloak of night, I dare anyone to come and take it,” said Dan Allen, referring to the raw chicken tightly gripped in his hand for who knows how long. “I can guarantee they won’t enjoy the result.”
Allen is likely right, given that they’ll discover the scent of flesh breath most only experience if stuck at sea with no choice but to resort to cannibalism.
To many, the odor is well-worth the health benefits.
“Since I started drinking raw milk and eating uncooked chicken, I’ve been getting diarrhea every single day. It really clears me out,” testified Jim Cook, who has the dirty nails of a mechanic despite working a 9 to 5 desk job. “It’s cleansing, but not in the stupid, hippie ‘juice cleanse’ way, y’know? I have the anal sores of a very strong man.”
Like Cook, much of the group feels they’re starting, ending, and enduring each day with a clean slate.
“My kids have a soccer game going on right now, but my family understands how important this is to me,” said unknowingly soon-to-be divorced father of two Ben Cox. “It doesn’t matter if I get into a fight with my bitch wife or boring-ass kids. I can always drive out to this alley, grab some of the raw meat I keep in my glovebox, and meet up with the guys to cheers our thighs together. Chicken thighs, I mean.”
In a time when community seems harder and harder to come by, the new branch of devotees to the raw milk world are as pure as they come — unwashed, unboiled, and undeterred.
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Photo courtesy of Baoothersks via CC BY-SA 4.0
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