Paul McCartney, Swedish murderers, and cornhole

After teasing a third party run, Sen. Joe Manchin has announced he won't be running for president after all.

"Oh no! Well, anyway..." said all of America.

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A New York City man has been charged with filing false property records after squatting in an old Manhattan hotel for five years and attempting to claim ownership.

I've gotta hand it to him — Eric Trump really is doing whatever he can to hear his dad say "I love you" for the first time.

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Paul McCartney has been reunited with his beloved Höfner bass after it was stolen over 50 years ago.

"And the best part? The drugs I hid under the pickups are still good," said McCartney.

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The perpetrator of Sweden's largest mass murder, Anders Breivik, has lost his bid to end his period of isolation in prison — where he's still able to study and work on "political projects" while having access to a kitchen, TV room, and gym.

Breivik claimed his conditions have made him suicidal, to which the judge responded, "Killing 77 people should've already done that."

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Iowa basketball phenom Caitlin Clark has officially passed two-time WNBA champion Kelsey Plum for the most points in NCAA women's basketball history.

"I could beat her," said a man 20 years removed from the JV squad before licking the Dorito dust off of his fingers.

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An FBI informant has been charged with providing "false and derogatory" information to agents about business dealings involving President Biden and his son, Hunter. This includes claims of bribery used by Congressional Republicans to buoy their case for impeachment.

The Justice Department says the lies were based on his dislike for Biden, which makes sense given that his name is Alexander Smirnov — there's probably at least three dozen people working for Putin with that exact name right now.

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Colorado teens have received the first-ever scholarships for cornhole.

Or as it's referred to in Wisconsin, "another beer."

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Photo courtesy of Raph_PH via CC BY 2.0