One of the great joys of having a young child is seeing their eyes light up with Christmas cheer around the holidays. An Ohio couple is feeling merry and bright themselves, as the local mall Santa appeared merely okay with having their three-year-old toddler on his lap.
“I know that not all mall Santas are pedophiles, but I do think all pedophiles would like to be a mall Santa,” explained young father Keith Gramble. “You never want to assume, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t mentally preparing to punch Kris Kringle in the trachea on the drive over.”
Upon reaching the front of the line at Middletown Shopping Center, the couple guided their child up to the temp worker donning the uniform of Father Christmas.
“Our kid hopped right up onto his lap, but luckily, the twinkle in the guy’s eyes was just a reflection from the fluorescent lights,” explained mother Sarah Gramble. “He was friendly, but didn’t ask my daughter where we live or if he could sneak into the house through her bedroom on Christmas Eve, so that’s a huge gift in itself.”
And while the faux Saint Nick emitted a strong odor of bottom shelf whiskey, it was simply evidence of a man who had spent way more time with the area’s tykes than was enjoyable.
“Santa got a little handsy with me while we were taking the group shot, but expecting him to not be a creep at all is like expecting a dog to hate peanut butter. At least I took one for the team,” said the first time mother.
Soon after being shuffled off by adults dressed as elves, the parents looked back to see the clock strike six. At which point, Santa tossed the next kid off of his lap mid-sentence and went to go clock out, ripping his trademark beard off along the way.
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Photo courtesy of Jacob Windham via CC BY 2.0
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