Banks, narcs, and The Wiggles

Deposits at major banks including Wells Fargo, Chase, and Bank of America were delayed due to what officials are calling "human error."

Banks tried to calm frustrated customers by telling them that their accounts are secure and they'll receive their money soon, adding "but it might help things run faster if we can skim 10%."

-------------------------

Ivanka Trump is appealing a judge's order for her to testify in court next week, saying she would suffer "undue hardship" by having to appear during a school week.

To be fair, she has a really big test to cram for in her second grade history class.

-------------------------

UK folk band Filkin's Drift wrapped up their tour on Tuesday, having traveled the entire 900 mile run on foot.

The tour, which consisted of dozens of shows, was entitled "Our Van Broke Down and We Need Repair Money."

----------------------------

Presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy bought $12 million worth of ads in New Hampshire and Iowa despite being far behind in the race for the GOP nomination.

$7 million of the budget is for getting the ads on air, while the rest will be used to bribe people not to change the channel as soon as they see them on their screen.

--------------------------

Peruvian police wore costumes and acted like "happy Halloween revelers" in order to carry out a drug bust, ultimately seizing cocaine and cash in the Lima neighborhood of San Juan de Lurigancho.

So remember, kids — the scariest thing you can be on Halloween is a narc.

---------------------------

Four members of the New Zealand men's curling team are living at a retirement home in Calgary to save money while they train.

The athletes usually wouldn't be allowed given that the average age in the facility is 84, but the executive director made an exception, saying "they do a really good job sweeping up in the kitchen and they're already used to not being paid."

---------------------------

A city council in Western Australia is receiving backlash after playing children's band The Wiggles' song "Hot Potato" to deter homeless people from sleeping near a sheltered area.

Disappointed upon hearing the news, The Wiggles immediately bought them all apartments and gave them jobs as understudies.

--------------------------

The stock market is having its best week of the year, with the Dow rising more than 5%.

The people, however, are spiraling downward rapidly.

--------------------------

Photo courtesy of NASA via public domain