The 2023-2024 school year is in full swing, which means teachers have officially lost control over their classrooms. While the first week is filled with nervous kids trying to figure out where their classes are, who their friends will be, or other experiences that tend to put kids in their place, students are able to spend the rest of the year putting teachers in their place — unless their teacher wants a lot more work or significant legal issues.
Well, Caleb Wheeler has already found an angle. While other students are turning to more classic modes of rebellion like being disruptive or choosing not to work on in-class assignments, the eighth-grader is throwing punches at his teacher's financial status — particularly as it relates to the liquor in her coffee.
"When I got to school, only me and Mrs. S were in the classroom – I knew my rep would be ruined if anyone found out I got there early. I noticed that teach was looking out the window longingly, so I really had no choice but to rebel by running over and drinking her coffee. I didn't know for sure that there would be liquor in it, but I figured the odds were good and I've had better," the 13-year-old told The Slug Report.
This calls into question the taste of both Wheeler and Mrs. S, otherwise known as 28-year-old Lindsey Schubert. Does a child have wildly extravagant taste, or does Schubert simply buy bottom shelf booze?
The answer: both.
"It's not like I was expecting Russo-Baltique, but to drink anything less than Balvenie 16-year Pineau Cask is just disrespectful to yourself," said Wheeler before heading to soccer practice.
For her part, Mrs. Schubert is largely unfazed.
"It's a long year," said Schubert two weeks in. "If sneaking some Deep Eddy into my morning, and sure, afternoon, coffee is the worst thing I do this year, then I'm teacher of the year. The administrators don't know and they're not going to find out. If anyone snitches, they know I'll tell their parents that they're sneaking in water bottles full of vodka."
When asked why she hasn't already informed their parents, she said "It's really not worth my time. Plus, there's usually some left when they throw it away, so it would really be a lose-lose situation."
As of now, Schubert has no intention of confronting Caleb Wheeler (beyond when she called him a "useless little fuck" during the initial altercation). But if worse comes to worst, the 6-year veteran knows the principal "can't do shit" because "everyone does it."
Photo courtesy of All4Ed via CC BY-NC 2.0
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