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Writer's pictureMackenzie Moore

Meth celery, spine cracking, and the best Dutch man to bully



A new AP-NORC poll indicates that Americans find Kamala Harris to be more honest and disciplined than Donald Trump.


It was still a valiant showing for the current Republican nominee, who finished just behind George Bush hopped up on "happy pills" after heart surgery.

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Dutch volleyball player and convicted child rapist Steven van de Velde says he considered quitting the 2024 Olympics, but ultimately wouldn't let people "bully [him] away."


Who does Van de Velde consider a bully? Evidently, any girl or woman above the age of 12.

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More than 2,300 pounds of meth were discovered hidden in celery at a Georgia farmers market.


In other news, in a rocket-grade upturn, celery is now the top-selling vegetable for the first time in recorded history.

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Donald Trump has lost his latest bid to have a new judge selected to his New York hush money criminal case.


His preferred replacement? Kid Rock with a hammer.

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Pakistani gold medalist Arshad Nadeem has been rewarded the equivalent of $897,000 after his record-breaking performance at the Paris Olympics.


Israel, on the other hand, showed thanks to their winning athletes by letting them close their eyes and point at a map to pick where the next bomb goes.

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AP Lifestyle writer Jonathan Elderfield has recommended that people looking to get into working out while also socializing should try indoor climbing.


In other words, having a hard time getting attention from your peers? Try screaming while falling 40 feet onto your spine — that'll probably do it.

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Photo courtesy of AFP

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