Citing his identity as a “big, strong boy,” Florida resident Dave Hollis has stuck to the increasingly popular carnivore diet since the start of the new year. But while the meat and butter-laden regimen may sound like a tough guy’s game, the 42-year-old hopes the routine will lead to something even more badass than Burt Reynolds’ mustache riding a motorcycle — the strength to eat a vegetable.
“I don’t think I’ve eaten so much as a pea since the horrible events of 9/11. Nothing to do with the attacks — that just happens to be the day I moved out of my mom’s house,” said the coronary heart disease watchlist member.
For nearly 24 years, Hollis had been no stranger to bread, brownies, or Ding Dongs. Now, he’s opted to clean up his diet with the help of dirty ground beef.
“Raw meat is the best because you can just grab it and go. I used to have to lug a lunchbox into work, but now I can just toss a package of ground chuck into the passenger side of my Taurus and know it will be there ready to eat four, five hours later,” said the red, dry-skinned man.
Ultimately, the vending machine salesman hopes the energizing increase in protein paired with the painful decrease in fiber will open the door to eating a veggie or two.
“Right now, you see me eating a block of cream cheese and a slab of bacon. But that’s already two-thirds of the way to a jalapeño popper! Next thing you know, boom — carrot cake!” beamed Hollis. “Sure — I may need a triple bypass for my heart, but that’s A-OK in the name of bypassing the mental block in my brain.”
While it’s impossible to predict if the carnivore diet fanatic will reach his goal next week or in the next life, one thing is for certain — his gut microbiome will never be the same.
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Photo courtesy of Hackfleisch via CC BY-SA 3.0
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