Thousands took in a sight unlike any other this past weekend as the Northern Lights appeared across the Midwest. While many quickly took to social media to share their photos of the natural phenomenon, Rich Schmitz had his eyes glued to another screen — one kept inside against a windowless wall in the basement.
"When I first heard the Northern Lights might be visible here, I thought I would take a look — that's like a once in a lifetime thing," began the Suamico, Wisconsin resident. "But then I checked the TV schedule and, well...you never know when they'll air an episode of 'Storage Wars' for the last time."
Even so, this should've still allowed Schmitz plenty of time to view the stunning night time display. As it turned out, there was already a stunning display right inside the walls of his ranch home.
"The day after, all of these people were so sad they couldn't see the Northern Lights because it was cloudy. They wouldn't care if they'd watched Kimmel!" exclaimed the 57-year-old. "Chris Pine's dazzling baby blues, Andra Day's angelic voice, and Bert Kreischer's undeniably odorous bellybutton all in one show? Of course I shut the front door."
Some may take pity on the vending machine salesman's perceived inability to prioritize correctly, but in his mind, those are the people who truly missed out.
"Don't get me wrong — I can't wait to see the Northern Lights next time they're right outside my window and nothing better's on TV," prefaced Schmitz. "But for now? I can get close enough. I can pour some oil on concrete during a sunny day. Better yet, I can wait for it to get dark and throw some old Christmas lights on a campfire. But you know what I can't get back? The May 10, 2024 airing of 'Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.'"
For now, Schmitz remains emboldened in his decision — stable and unchanged, as he prefers.
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Photo courtesy of Car Nap Pope
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