Society is full of harmful stereotypes. If someone is a bank robber, people assume they’re a criminal. If someone is a lumberjack, they must know how to cut down trees. And if someone is a golden retriever, they probably only like sports that involve chasing tennis balls or sticks. One dog, Indiana's own Squink Lafayette, lies outside of the narrative — he wants to go bowling.
“How many 'Air Bud' movies have there been? They’ve covered basketball, football, baseball... They even shot a movie in space, but nobody ever thought to take the dog bowling," began Squink. "It's like I'm just supposed to lay outside in the sun and be happy, but it's hard when I know I'd be able to bowl a 300 if I was supported in that like I am when I do a good job yawning."
Lafayette believes that it's not just absent mindedness that's stopping his owners from taking him bowling. According to him, the issue is also systematic — not only are bowling alleys not equipped for dogs, but they are unable to accommodate animal clientele of any kind.
"From what I've gathered, when humans go bowling, they have to also rent bowling shoes. Yet, not once have I seen a canine equivalent. Unless they're going to let me do it in the booties I have to wear on walks when it's cold outside, there's no opportunity," lamented Squink. "And you know which animal would be freakin' amazing at it? Possums. They've got crazy hands. I know because I found one of them in my yard once and it swatted me in the face when I sniffed its bellybutton."
Like most trailblazers, Squink understands that innovation and tribulation often go hand in hand. Still, he's confident that he isn't barking up the wrong tree.
"Look, I get it. I'm a retriever — it's what I do. But I am not going to sprint down the lane to try to bring the ball back and end up stuck in the pinsetter. I can tell you that with 70, 80 percent certainty," insisted Squink.
If Squink Lafayette could tell his owners one thing, it would be that the snacks at home have been lame lately. But if he could tell them two things, he would also say that if he isn't driven to the bowling alley to go score a turkey soon, then he will find a live one clucking around outside and bring it home to play instead.
Photo courtesy of Bucky Roo
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