Dallas Cowboys fans are in shambles after yet another disappointing playoff loss against the Green Bay Packers, falling 48-32 and allowing the first post-season victory by a No. 7 seed in NFL history.
Team owner and crypt keeper Jerry Jones was understandably shocked and angry following subpar game planning and quarterback play, adding more fuel to the fire for those who want Mike McCarthy and Dak Prescott out of the Lone Star State.
However, it looks like Prescott's replacement won't come from the draft or free agency — it may be 'ol Jerry's time to shine.
"I've been in charge of this organization since 1989. After 35 years of sitting up in the box, I think it's about dang time I touch some grass," said the owner of America's Team (if you were to exclusively count 9% of America).
Some have expressed concern about 81-year-old Jones putting on the pads, but the billionaire doesn't seem too concerned.
"Look, I get it — I would be the oldest quarterback in the league by several years. But I am six feet tall, have no injury history, and I'm up for a team friendly contract — that's already better than most starters in the NFL," said Jones.
While the Hall of Famer has never taken a snap in the NFL, he did win the 1964 college championship at Arkansas — as an offensive linemen.
"I didn't even touch the ball once, but that means I know exactly how linemen think, and that's crucial to be the All-Pro caliber quarterback I intend to become over the next few months," began Jones. "I know what kind of pressure those guys are under during each snap — imagine how much more urgency they would have knowing that one missed block could cost them millions of dollars on their next contract."
It was noted that the Cowboys linemen could band together to intentionally allow sacks, very well leading to significant injury or even death for a man of Jerry Jones' age. However, the longtime Medicare recipient remained unbothered.
"Deion Sanders. Michael Irvin. Tony Romo. All Cowboys that players probably wanted dead at some point in time, God bless 'em. But every Christmas, we see what quarterbacks buy their offensive line to stay on their good side — golf carts, fancy watches, whatever. Imagine how much they'll love me when I start buying them all top of the line Bugattis after every win," said Jones before noting that becoming the third player to die on the field in NFL history would be "kinda neat in its own way."
While the quarterback battle just started, if Jones doesn't get his way, he will become the first player in NFL history to simultaneously be the head coach.
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Photo courtesy of Keith Allison via CC BY-SA 2.0
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