Today marks the Fourth of July, also known as the one day a year when a person wearing a wife beater and homemade jorts can light a match without it looking too suspicious. Still, working man Jason Walz has decided to skip the whole rigamarole and dress like a true patriot — just tight, star-spangled undies. Hell yeah.
"I went to Walmart to grab new boxers last week 'cause the ones from junior year were getting a bit ratty," remembered the 32-year-old. "But I made my way over there and this little number caught my eye right away. I spent just about as much on this one pair as I would've on the bag of 10 I came for, but beauty has a price."
The price was $12.99, to be exact — about two dollars more than a 12 pack of Miller Lite. A hefty price indeed, yet Walz says it's worth it.
"The look is for fashion just as much as function. Sure, I want to show off my sweet gams and alluring figure, but it's also 94 degrees outside and I've got too much going on today to pause for a swamp ass sponge bath," said the electrician by trade.
It's a big day for the Blair, Nebraska native. He plans to spend time with his extended family before capping off the night by setting off (allegedly illegal) fireworks, as is tradition.
"I haven't seen much of my family for a few months, so I'm really happy. Especially to see my little nieces and nephews," beamed the proud uncle. "You don't always get to be around each other when ya want to, so I'm glad I get this opportunity to squat down to their level, put my arms around 'em, and just set a good example."
It seems right to celebrate America's birthday like Walz — by being free, eye-catching, and vulnerable. So much so that it seems Francis Scott Key had the red-blooded patriot in mind when he wrote "The Star Spangled Banner" during the War of 1812, despite what the history books may say. It's undeniable that, as long as the man lets his freak flag fly, wherever he stands may be considered the home of the brave.
Photo courtesy of sarahstierch via CC BY 2.0
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