Rudy Giuliani has filed for bankruptcy after being ordered to pay $148 million to two former Georgia election workers he defamed while working for Donald Trump, who has refused to help his former lawyer with legal fees.
It's difficult to feel bad for the man who was once known as "America's mayor" — especially since he's made more shady money in his career than a drug dealer working beneath an overhang in a Bed Stuy alley during the 1980s.
Still, nobody likes to get between a man and his passions. For Rudy Giuliani, that passion is old dead bugs. He was seen lamenting to a cashier at Golden Nickel Pawn Shop in Manhattan, NYC.
"Please, sir — you must understand. These bugs are like my children — my family! We've seen it all together," began Giuliani, holding the clear box with a death grip as though the piles of crispy, dried-out bugs would otherwise break free.
Giuliani then put the box down carefully as if to reveal a precious jewel, only to pull out a cockroach from 1968. He looked at it as though tantalized, tempted by the idea of eating the decades-old delicacy found in rundown apartments and dumpsters.
"This was my first," said Giuliani, wiping away a brown tear. "I plucked this one when I graduated from the New York University School of Law. That was back when the law meant something — it's all theoretical now," scoffed the lawyer suspended from practicing in New York due to ignoring the law.
Giuliani then pulled out a stink bug, wafting its stale scent as though hoping it would act as a tiny personal perfume.
"This guy," chuckled the former mayor. "I got this guy in 1983 when I became the U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York. He was actually still alive at the time, but I got one whiff and just knew he had to come home with me."
The cashier was uninterested, but continued to listen with passive fear.
"And this one — oh, this one!" cried the formerly respected politician as he pulled out a fishing spider. "I found this guy floating on the Hudson River just after 9/11. I tried to drown him, but the little bugger wouldn't quit! I got him in the end though, darn it!"
After explaining the story behind roughly two-dozen other dead bugs, the employee offered him $20 if he included the box — surely a low blow that the New York City figurehead would never accept.
Rudy Giuliani left the pawn shop and spent his spoils on brown hair dye and a chopped cheese.
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Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore via CC BY-SA 2.0
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