Girl Scouts, Russian Olympians, and Alabama

The Russian Olympic Committee has lost its appeal against the suspension put in place by the International Olympic Committee, meaning Russian athletes will continue competing on a neutral team and Russia will not receive any funding from the IOC.

Even worse, the entire Russian Olympic Committee mysteriously died on the flight back.

---------------------

The Alabama Supreme Court has ruled that embryos are considered children under state law.

On its face, it's concerning news, but see the bright side – if embryos are children, then following the logic, anyone who's had them frozen has an indefinite tax write-off now.

----------------------

AT&T says that the hours-long outage to its U.S. cellphone network was not the result of a cyberattack, instead being caused by a coding error.

Yeah, that's comforting to customers – "Your phone didn't stop working for hours because of a rare malicious attack – we did this all by ourselves using paid employees."

----------------------

Dunkin' released their response to Panera's deadly caffeine-infused lemonade on Wednesday.

In potentially related news, Ben Affleck has been seen scaling walls around Boston with his t-shirt tied around his head for 48 hours straight.

------------------------

The Girl Scouts of the USA are threatening legal action against a St. Louis mom after her daughter's troop started a fundraiser to help those impacted by the genocide in Gaza.

It makes sense that the corporation seems to have a kinship with Israel – their biggest export is diamonds, which coincidentally cost as much as a box of Thin Mints.

-----------------------

A man made $1.8 million on an investment after overhearing his now ex-wife, who was a merger and acquisitions manager for BP, and investing in a company just before it was acquired.

Immediately after he told her about the money, she filed for divorce and told BP, who then fired her by saying "Why would you tell us? We can't have people with upstanding morals working here."

----------------------------

Photo courtesy of Presidential Press and Information Office via CC BY 4.0