top of page
Writer's pictureMackenzie Moore

Ghost politicians, Cheddar Bay Biscuits, and the TJ Maxx police department



A bakery owner in Kingston, Massachusetts has a bone to pick with John Oliver after the "Last Week Tonight" host bought the contents of a local Red Lobster, including the 36-inch grill.


I really think John Oliver is doing this guy's business a favor. Using a grill from a defunct Red Lobster to save your restaurant a little money is like willingly taking home a haunted doll marked "Free" from an estate sale to help your kid sleep at night.

----------------------

The US men's national cricket team defeated Pakistan, one of the world's top contenders, in what the New York Times calls "one of the biggest shocks in cricket history."


Following this, Old Navy announced that its annual 4th of July sale will now consist of knitted vests, bowler hats, and trench coats that smell like someone put a piece of fish wrapped in newspaper in a pocket and forgot about it.

--------------------------

The parent company behind chains like Marshalls and TJ Maxx is attempting to cut back on thefts by having workers wear body cameras, with a spokesperson for the retailer saying the intention is to "de-escalate incidents" and "deter crime."


Tragically, this has not deterred employees from continuing to murder customers they suspect have stolen a bracelet on clearance.

--------------------------

Hunter Biden's ex-girlfriend, Zoe Kestan, testified that the president's son smoked crack "every 20 minutes or so" when the pair were together.


Sure, that's not exactly attractive, but his home was remarkably clean for a guy living alone. Let's call it a wash!

--------------------------

Rep. Donald Payne, who passed away in April after filing for re-election in New Jersey's House of Representatives, has won the Democratic primary after running unopposed.


The scenario feels ridiculous, but it gets scary once you realize that Genghis Khan is desperately trying to buy his vote in the afterlife as we speak.

-------------------------

A police department in Burlington, Vermont staged a surprise mock shooting while giving a tour to 20 high schoolers. While the students were being given a tour by an officer, another in disguise "broke in" and began shooting blanks, prompting terrified teenagers to run for cover.


I just want to know whose idea this was. "You know what will improve PR for cops in the United States? Inviting kids to our department and teaching them about us by pretending to kill them."

----------------------------


Photo courtesy of Michael Steeber via CC BY-SA 2.0


Comments


bottom of page