It's hard to imagine anything sexier than the green M&M — well, until she got more comfortable shoes and became a real hog. With Easter baskets soon to be filled, dozens upon dozens of consumers are rushing to discover more fuckable alternatives. Here's five food mascots sure to melt in your mouth.
5. The Keebler Elf (a.k.a. Ernest J. Keebler)
He may not be the hottest little elf on the block, but sexiness is about more than physical appearance. The head elf, Ernest — or Ernie if you're cool like that — works hard day in and day out baking cookies in a hollowed out tree. Accomplished, responsible and probably a little sweaty? As Keebler's tagline says, "a little elfin magic goes a long way."
4. Chester the Cheetah
A classic bad boy. With a low, gritty voice, wild spirit and sick ass sunglasses, it's hard to deny Chester's BDE. While the white-shoed cat is known for sneaking around, cut him some slack — it's not easy being cheesy.
3. Tony the Tiger
There's just something about these felines. Rippling bod and fashionable bandana aside, the Frosted Flakes mascot is reliable. Need a goalie for your hockey team or to make sure the kids get on the bus in time? This cat is stepdaddy material.
2. Miss Chiquita
Reserved and somewhat mysterious, Miss Chiquita still knows how to bring the party. Capability is sexy, and she knows all about it. The fruit mascot, who was once literally just a banana with legs in a red dress, can be seen affixed to nanners across the globe. To this day, each sticker is applied by hand to prevent bruising — Miss Chiquita has been looking out for bananas since 1944.
1. The Jolly Green Giant
It's simply undeniable — the Jolly Green Giant oozes sex. With a winning smile and legs to match, you can tell this guy eats his vegetables. Though a kind, humble giant, it's hard to believe that the he himself isn't a GMO. With a toga that looks like a college girl woke up in the woods 30 minutes before going out on a Friday night, the broad-shouldered mascot is ready for whatever.
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