Supply issues and environmental concerns have led to firework shows being discontinued across the United States, leaving organizers in many towns scrambling to find a proper replacement for the time-honored tradition. While some areas are leaning into light shows, Decorah, Iowa, has found a more classic way to celebrate the Fourth of July — watching an old man eat soup.
"I've heard about some cities using drones or some such, but that just isn't me — it isn't us," said organizer David Pachter. "People come for a truly American experience, and gosh, is there anything more American than gramps quietly eating Campbell's Condensed Chicken Noodle Soup?"
Pachter has a point. For a holiday marked by missing fingers and Old Navy sales, there's no need to get too high tech. Except, of course, for a projector and a large screen.
"We're gonna livestream it and project it onto a huge screen right in town — I can't lie, I'm pretty proud of myself for that," said Pachter with a rosy-cheeked grin. "All 7,000 plus of Decorah's own are gonna get to join in, too. This really has potential to bring people together."
Two weeks ago, 86-year-old Don Ledford was asked to do the honors, a request he says made him feel like he's "got more to give."
"For most of my life, I woke up at 4:30 a.m. and finally got to bed around midnight if I was lucky. You get a bit older and suddenly, you don't quite know what to do with yourself anymore," shared Ledford.
It's something worth thinking about. Every farmer is expected to pour their heart, soul, and physical well-being into providing nourishment for thousands without complaint. After decades of fulfilling, yet back-breaking work, many farmers find themselves struggling to know who they are after retirement.
That being said, Ledford never farmed a day in his life — he worked in insurance and just didn't feel like coming home.
"I was an insurance agent for nearly 50 years, and golly, was I bad at it! I wasn't a quick study in high school, and that carried over into my career," acknowledged Ledford. "People would always ask me about the policies, but I didn't know what the heck it all involved. How could I? Whenever I was asked if something was included, I just said 'yes' because it seemed to make 'em happy."
The husband of 62 years says that his poor job performance led him to go to bars for hours both before and after work to "improve [his] credibility."
"Tell me this — who would you trust to help you in your time of need? A man who puts their arm around you and treats you like an old pal as soon as you walk into the office, or a man with a stick up his butt who's concerned about work? When you think of it that way, the amount of bourbon I drank and the number of women I groped is a bit irrelevant, I'd say," smiled the small, frail grandpa of seven.
The elder Ledford has applied a very similar method when preparing for the Independence Day celebration. He wakes up early, drinks until 9 a.m. (though he's switched to vodka these days for health reasons), eats soup for eight hours, then drinks again for several more before going to bed. The next morning, training starts all over again.
Despite the abrupt switch from tradition, the town has been receptive to the new plan.
"I'm just excited that my kids will get to be part of a new local tradition. As sad as I am to not be seeing a big firework show in town this year, I know the fireworks I do see will be illegal and, based on that fact alone, better anyway," said mother Theresa Reilly. "Who knows? Maybe the trend will catch on around the Midwest, even the entire country. We won't know until we set up our camping chairs in the town square, sit our butts down, and watch that nice old man have his doctor recommended weekly allowance of sodium in one sitting."
Unlike firework shows, which usually don't start until dark, this year's entertainment will begin at 4:30 sharp and wrap up by 5:30 p.m. in order to accommodate Ledford's routine.
Photo courtesy of Marg via CC BY-2.0
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