For many, winter is the most difficult time of year. Whether it’s the constant gray skies, mud-crusted snow or looking like a burlap sack full of baked potatoes for a solid three months, there’s something for everyone to hate. Still, there’s one factor that not everyone can agree on — the cold.
Though millions try to leave their homes as little as possible in freezing weather, this is not the case for Sheboygan, Wisconsin’s own Greg Lanier.
“I don’t get what the big deal is, to be completely honest with you,” began Lanier. “Sure, 10 below zero feels a little chilly at first. But once you’re sitting out there for a while, you can just feel your body adjust. Don’t even need to wear a coat, really.”
Lanier, a longtime car mechanic, appeared to be describing the effects of hypothermia. Specifically, the stage in which the body’s blood vessels expand in a last-ditch effort to warm up before becoming a human snow cone.
The loving husband and father of two rejected the theory.
“From what I hear, hypothermia is like a sickness. At no point have I ever felt sick out there. If anything, Wisconsin winters really calm me down — like I could fall asleep right there on the snow. My breathing slows down and everything,” said Lanier.
The 52-year-old went on to say that the chilly winter air even helps keep him away from Wisconsin’s favorite winter pastime — drinking.
“Being out and about this time of year makes me feel practically drunk in itself. Sometimes, I’ll forget where I am or act more clumsy than usual. Hell, once in a while my speech will even slur. Wind and snow may not taste as good as an old fashioned, but heck — why pay for drinks at a bar when you can stand outside for three hours in your slippers for free?” chuckled Lanier.
The born-and-raised Midwesterner even recounted an occasion where the weather-induced relaxation caused him to fall asleep, only to come-to in a new location.
“The weather man said there was a wind chill warning, which is my favorite because I’m always the only person out there. So I got to walking that evening and, about 10 minutes in, I felt so drowsy — like I could’ve said goodnight right then and there,” recounted Lanier. “I decided to just sit under a tree and relax. Next thing I knew, I was covered in toasty blankets in the trunk of my wife’s Buick. If that’s hypothermia, then shit — I recommend it.”
The Slug Report attempted to reach out to Lanier following Wisconsin’s recent cold snap, but learned he is currently recovering from a finger amputation.
Photo courtesy of Alain Wong via Wikimedia
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