Tomorrow marks day one of the 2024 NFL draft, and there's rarely been less debate over who the number one overall pick will be. With the Chicago Bears practically certain to select Caleb Williams to kick it off, it had been expected that the USC quarterback would want to be there for his special night.
Unfortunately, there's only one thing that can ruin a big moment for Williams — having to share it. After learning other players will be drafted immediately after him, the Trojan is staying in the horse.
"I don't usually watch the first day of the draft — I like to spend Thursday nights in deep meditation," said the quarterback, referring to staring at himself in the mirror for hours on end while smelling his fingers. "Throughout the entire process, all I'd heard is how badly all of these teams want me. And just because they can't have me, they're gonna go and pick somebody else? It's crazy."
Williams notes that he's especially bothered not just with teams selecting other players, but with them "not even looking anything like" him.
"I could maybe sorta wrap my head around it if they were at least trying to find knockoff versions of me — different hair, less perfect teeth, whatever. But now I'm hearing all of this stuff about these pasty white boys with names like 'Cooper' from Notre Dame and Iowa probably being drafted on my night! I bet they don't even have a top manicurist on speed dial," scoffed the 2022 Heisman winner.
The night is sure to have a different tone without the college football star, but contrary to Williams' apparent belief, it will manage to go on anyway.
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Photo courtesy of FanNation
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