All eyes are on California today after a winning lottery ticket worth over $1 billion was sold at a small neighborhood store located in downtown Los Angeles. As of 11am CST on July 21, the buyer's identity is unknown. However, there may be a good reason — the anonymous victor is rumored to have traded the prize for five years of guaranteed health insurance.
The lucky winner agreed to speak to The Slug Report under the condition that they be given a fake name and a deep tissue massage for their achy, crumbling body, during which this interview was conducted.
The California resident, now referred to as Christine Doherty, was well aware of what $1 billion could do for her in 2023. She says the decision to trade the ticket for health insurance is not about what it's worth today, but what it may be worth years from now.
"Sure, $1 billion is a lot of money. I also used to think that $10 was a lot of money, and now it won't buy me a pastrami sandwich," said Doherty. "I know hundreds of millions of dollars could pay for a lifetime of health insurance incredibly easily right now, but since you can't buy years worth of insurance at once like getting toothpaste at Costco, I'm more concerned about making sure I can afford an EpiPen in four years."
Even with the understanding that large insurance companies are ultimately about maximizing profit at any cost — including literal death — it seems unbelievable that insurance rates would go up so much in the next five years that today's Powerball winnings would become effectively useless. Yet, no provider Doherty spoke to was willing to commit beyond 2028.
"After a lifetime of insurance was clearly out the window, I kept negotiating. First for 60 years, then 50. Once I was finally willing to ask for just 40, they snapped and said 'Listen, lady. If you break your leg right now, we could not care less. That's just the wine at dinner tonight. If you were to break your leg in 10 years — which the measly $325 million we'd get after taxes would be gone well before, by the way — the company would sue you for single-handedly preventing every C-level executive from getting their annual Christmas yacht,'" recalled Doherty.
Luckily, the 40-something woman is in good overall health. All she has to worry about is severe cramps, migraines, irritable bowel syndrome, type 1 diabetes, stage 2 breast cancer, ankylosing spondylitis, and a crippling peanut allergy.
Despite the likelihood of being uninsured come 2029, Doherty is looking on the bright side — she will now be able to afford to get a well past due tetanus shot.
"I've been overdue for over 20 years, so I'm looking forward to getting that needle in my arm. My line of work involves stepping around a lot of rusty nails, but I haven't been able to justify splurging on good boots, so it's been a gamble every day. Soon, I'll be able to step on nails without being afraid that I'll have to miss work because of yet another infection," beamed Doherty.
While someone from the unnamed insurance company will still have to redeem the lottery ticket as soon as possible, there's little concern that it will be too late. Especially if there's people in line to push down for fun on the way to the counter.
Photo courtesy of Creative Commons via CC BY-SA 2.0
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