top of page
The Slug Report
The latest news delivered at a slug's pace
News
Trump deported to El Salvador after stating 'homegrown criminals are next'
“Please disregard any images of the first lady popping champagne, high-fiving, and grinning from ear to ear," said press secretary Karoline Leavitt.
Mackenzie Moore
Penguin-only islands targeted by Trump tariffs ‘strongly considering’ military action against United States
“You ever seen ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’? We are conniving sons of bitches," threatened eastern rockhopper penguin Bruce Elliot.
Mackenzie Moore
Shein April Fools’ prank just photoshopped image of happy, healthy adult factory workers
“I’m energized and excited to spend my entire career at Shein, which I began working for at an appropriately mature age," said the caption.
Mackenzie Moore
Reincarnation confirmed by study on 'exorbitant' number of bug vs. automobile suicides
Scientists say they will now focus on teaching flying insects how to masturbate and hold their liquor in order to improve quality of life.
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 2, 20242 min read
17 views
0 comments
Dick's Sporting Goods to only stock tents after being named top retailer of new homes
Mays hopes to move back into an apartment once she's done paying off medical bills for an ointment she received after stepping on a bee.
Mackenzie Moore
May 1, 20242 min read
8 views
0 comments
Study finds strong correlation between eating can of soup in two separate servings and being a psychopath
It's ultimately a significant help when trying to determine if someone is a Jeffrey Dahmer-style asshole or just the garden variety.
Mackenzie Moore
Feb 1, 20242 min read
15 views
0 comments
Bucky Badger, Willie the Wildcat attend therapy together prior to matchup: 'For Becky'
"She wanted to eat Bec-key Lime Pie ice cream and drink glass after glass of milk. You're a cat — you're lactose intolerant!" said Bucky.
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 10, 20233 min read
66 views
0 comments
bottom of page