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The Slug Report
The latest news delivered at a slug's pace
News
Trump deported to El Salvador after stating 'homegrown criminals are next'
“Please disregard any images of the first lady popping champagne, high-fiving, and grinning from ear to ear," said press secretary Karoline Leavitt.
Mackenzie Moore
Penguin-only islands targeted by Trump tariffs ‘strongly considering’ military action against United States
“You ever seen ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’? We are conniving sons of bitches," threatened eastern rockhopper penguin Bruce Elliot.
Mackenzie Moore
Shein April Fools’ prank just photoshopped image of happy, healthy adult factory workers
“I’m energized and excited to spend my entire career at Shein, which I began working for at an appropriately mature age," said the caption.
Mackenzie Moore
Heat wave prompts 'overwhelming' increase in shirtless, chubby older men with feet in baby pool
"We all heard the buzz about cicadas this summer, but this is truly an outbreak of its own," said biologist Dr. Candace Kruch.
Mackenzie Moore
Jun 17, 20242 min read
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Beautiful day really getting in way of planned wallowing
"Had to go have coffee on my porch and take it all in. Absolute bullshit."
Mackenzie Moore
Jun 19, 20232 min read
24 views
0 comments
Sidewalk finally hot enough to cook steak on
"I've ordered steak in a restaurant. You don't get that dirty, raw taste from anything you can get at an Outback Steakhouse," said Higsby.
Mackenzie Moore
Jun 6, 20232 min read
12 views
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State of Wisconsin collectively agrees to pretend it's summer
"I already put all of my jeans into storage for the year. It's flip flop time, baby," concluded Monroe's Dave Wincher.
Mackenzie Moore
Apr 17, 20232 min read
60 views
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