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The Slug Report
The latest news delivered at a slug's pace
News
Penguin-only islands targeted by Trump tariffs ‘strongly considering’ military action against United States
“You ever seen ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’? We are conniving sons of bitches," threatened eastern rockhopper penguin Bruce Elliot.
Mackenzie Moore
Shein April Fools’ prank just photoshopped image of happy, healthy adult factory workers
“I’m energized and excited to spend my entire career at Shein, which I began working for at an appropriately mature age," said the caption.
Mackenzie Moore
Sober on St. Patty’s: Other festive ways to end up vomiting on the street
Four alcohol-free ways to still end up vomiting on the street with the rest of the hooligans.
Mackenzie Moore
Trump refuses to exit bathroom as ‘Gulf of America’ continuously deadnamed
"God, it makes me want to pardon a warlord," muttered Trump.
Mackenzie Moore
Jan 222 min read
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Ron DeSantis spending newfound free time practicing human smile in bathroom mirror
"I follow the instructions to 'If You're Happy and You Know It' to the letter 60 times per day," said DeSantis.
Mackenzie Moore
Jan 22, 20242 min read
21 views
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Man's strongly held political beliefs based on articles he's never read
"I don't need to read the article. I'm not stupid — I know what it says," said the "School of Hard Knocks" graduate.
Mackenzie Moore
May 2, 20232 min read
132 views
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