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The Slug Report
The latest news delivered at a slug's pace
News
Penguin-only islands targeted by Trump tariffs ‘strongly considering’ military action against United States
“You ever seen ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’? We are conniving sons of bitches," threatened eastern rockhopper penguin Bruce Elliot.
Mackenzie Moore
Shein April Fools’ prank just photoshopped image of happy, healthy adult factory workers
“I’m energized and excited to spend my entire career at Shein, which I began working for at an appropriately mature age," said the caption.
Mackenzie Moore
Sober on St. Patty’s: Other festive ways to end up vomiting on the street
Four alcohol-free ways to still end up vomiting on the street with the rest of the hooligans.
Mackenzie Moore
Jimmy Carter attributes reaching 100 to 'guts, peanuts, and plenty of smut'
"I'd go and trade those peanuts in for a nudie mag down at the five and dime," reminisced the former president.
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 1, 20242 min read
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Denial of the Day: 'Crossword maker wrong, not me'
"How did nobody catch this before it was published?" wondered Reading, PA resident Jenna Happ.
Mackenzie Moore
Jul 30, 20242 min read
12 views
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Old beer finally green enough to drink
“If you’re 40 and just opened a bar, you better hope you’ve been stashing away beer since you were three,” stated O’Sullivan.
Mackenzie Moore
Mar 17, 20233 min read
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