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The Slug Report
The latest news delivered at a slug's pace
News
Penguin-only islands targeted by Trump tariffs ‘strongly considering’ military action against United States
“You ever seen ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’? We are conniving sons of bitches," threatened eastern rockhopper penguin Bruce Elliot.
Mackenzie Moore
Shein April Fools’ prank just photoshopped image of happy, healthy adult factory workers
“I’m energized and excited to spend my entire career at Shein, which I began working for at an appropriately mature age," said the caption.
Mackenzie Moore
Sober on St. Patty’s: Other festive ways to end up vomiting on the street
Four alcohol-free ways to still end up vomiting on the street with the rest of the hooligans.
Mackenzie Moore
Athletic raccoons, mercury poisoning, and Harrison Butker
The Desk 5/16/24
Mackenzie Moore
May 16, 20242 min read
20 views
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Mike Tyson, State of the Union address, and aliens
The Desk 3/8/24
Mackenzie Moore
Mar 8, 20242 min read
16 views
0 comments
Taylor Swift uses big Grammy win to announce purchase of Kansas City Chiefs
"I took a look at my pocket change and thought 'Taylor, you deserve a little treat. You should buy the team.' So I did!" said Swift.
Mackenzie Moore
Feb 5, 20243 min read
24 views
0 comments
NFL to hold first ‘Ugh Bowl’
"Get ready for an okay time!" said commissioner Roger Goodell.
Mackenzie Moore
Jan 29, 20242 min read
14 views
0 comments
Surveillance balloon discovered floating over Andy Reid’s house
The sighting comes before arguably the biggest day in American sports —second to Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest.
Mackenzie Moore
Feb 11, 20232 min read
101 views
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