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The Slug Report
The latest news delivered at a slug's pace
News
Penguin-only islands targeted by Trump tariffs ‘strongly considering’ military action against United States
“You ever seen ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’? We are conniving sons of bitches," threatened eastern rockhopper penguin Bruce Elliot.
Mackenzie Moore
Shein April Fools’ prank just photoshopped image of happy, healthy adult factory workers
“I’m energized and excited to spend my entire career at Shein, which I began working for at an appropriately mature age," said the caption.
Mackenzie Moore
Sober on St. Patty’s: Other festive ways to end up vomiting on the street
Four alcohol-free ways to still end up vomiting on the street with the rest of the hooligans.
Mackenzie Moore
George Santos 'looking forward' to going back to old life as astronaut, surgeon
Note: This interview has been thoroughly fact checked.
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 20, 20233 min read
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Taylor Swift elected Speaker of the House
"What she lacks in political experience is made up for by her lack of political experience," said Rep. Ralph Norman.
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 15, 20232 min read
34 views
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Biden, McCarthy to throw joint pizza party in exchange for debt ceiling deal votes
"These cats are tricky, but you and I both know that cats love pepperoni," stated Biden on Sunday morning.
Mackenzie Moore
May 28, 20232 min read
15 views
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Marjorie Taylor Greene introduces bill to outlaw menus without pictures of food
"Just show me a picture of a taco and I will point it out to you,” stated Rep. Greene.
Mackenzie Moore
Mar 1, 20232 min read
69 views
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