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The Slug Report
The latest news delivered at a slug's pace
Holiday Shopping, Penny Cancellation, and the Heisman Conniption
The Desk 12/15/25
Mackenzie Moore
Dec 15, 2025
Man Dismayed As Winnie-the-Pooh Costume Results In Public Indecency Charge
“Oh, so if a cartoon bear walks around without pants or underwear it’s totally fine and cute, but a 33-year-old man does it and suddenly it’s a crime?” grumbled Burke.
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 31, 2025
Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 1, 2025
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